What is a sorry free zone? How often during the course of day do we say sorry? is it meaningful? Should we say it at all?

 


The first and only rule in my classes is "This is a sorry free zone".

What does this mean?  Surely we should be polite and apologise.  I can hear you asking this to yourself.  Let me explain.

Firstly, understand this: the words that come out of my mouth are heard by those around me, but only after being sorted out through their individual filters, the only person who hears and listens to ALL I say is ME!    

My brain learns from my senses, one of the major senses is hearing.  

Thinking about this, every time I say I am sorry, I blame myself, and hear myself blaming myself, for something that, almost always, requires no blame to be placed.  By saying sorry I am feeding my brain the idea that I am to blame, I will believe myself.

For example, when I have a finance class, people often apologise for their debts.  They often elaborate on how they got into debt and how sorry they are for all their wrong choices.  

The truth is, without exception, everyone got into debt trying to do the best thing for themselves or their families at a specific time.  No-one thought, "oh great, I will get into debt to hurt myself and everyone else".  It is more likely to be, "this is the only choice I have right now".  Even if the debt is to fund some form of item (identified by others as a luxury), it is often to help them get out of a period of low self esteem, or help them feel they are in a better position than they actually are.  Either way, there is no blame required, and as a result no apology necessary.  By apologising they will enter a downward spiral of blame and even lower self-esteem.

Another one I get a lot is "sorry I am late".  While I appreciate everyone should try to be as punctual as they can, I know that most (if not all) people do not want to be singled out by walking in late, everyone tries their utmost to be there on time.  Once again I don't think they are thinking "I will try to make Sarah's life as difficult as I can by being late".  I would be devastated if someone rushed so much they had an accident trying to save 5 minutes of time.

I had a finance appointment booked with a lovely student today, I got a text to say "I'm very sorry but I have to cancel, my brother suddenly passed away."  .........  I will leave you to come to your own conclusions as to weather she should have said sorry in this instance.  What an awful situation, made more awful for her by the apology, it made no difference to me whether she said sorry, I was more deeply concerned for her wellbeing in this terrible time.  

So please, think about how often in the day you say "sorry".  How often you hear yourself blame yourself for something tiny.  Reserve your "sorries" for when you really need to say them.  If you say them over and over they have no real meaning to the receiver of the "sorry".

Look after yourself out there and don't beat yourself up about things you cannot control.  Have a fabulous day, feel free to share, follow, comment, question and like my blog.  Hope it helps you and yours.



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